Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Once, Twice, Three....Shoot Me In The Head!
My son has discovered the game Rock, Paper, Scissors. Now every decision that I make has to be validated.
"I know that you said I have to eat my carrots, but let's shoot for it?" If I agree, and play one quick game, then it becomes, two out of three, five out of nine, then an hour goes by and dinner get's cold.
Have you ever played rock paper scissors with a six-year-old? He waits to throw for about a half a second, until he can see what you are throwing. If you catch him he claims that he was throwing Rock. He also likes to quickly turn paper into a Vulcan like, pair of scissors. He is such a little conman, so smooth, too bad he isn't old enough to go to Vegas and use his skills to win me and Dave some cash.
After a few days of playing, I had hand cramps and needed a break. I talked Dylan into teaching Alice to play. That way they can play together and I can get my life back. Happily, Alice loved the game, sadly she wanted to play it with me immediately. Then they started fighting over who's turn it was to play with me, my plan backfired! Not to mention that I as swear that I was starting to get Carpal Tunnel. Of course then they started fighting over me, we spend more time fighting about playing than actually playing the game. Because insanity is what happens in my house. I don't really mind becasue playing with Alice of course is much worse than playing with Dylan.
Have you ever played Rock, Paper, Scissors with a three year old? She goes, "One, two , twee." Then she throws down her hand in some random bizarre shape with fingers contorting in every direction. Then she sees if my hand is making rock, paper, or scissors. Then she quickly bashes her hand in a first onto my hand as hard as she can and yells.
"I win! Do again!" Then Dylan screams.
"No! It's my turn!" They both grab hold of one of my arms screaming and pulling.
"No, Dylan! My momma!"
"No Alice my turn!" I am now a human tug-of-war, and contemplating smashing their heads together like melons and making a fruit salad.
After calming them down and icing my broken arms and hands, I come up with a plan. I run into the computer room and look online, with just a hope and a prayer. Miracles happen! I find Rock, Paper, Scissors as an online game! After I was done doing the dance of joy on the dining room table, I call Dylan and show him my discovery.
The boy sits quietly and plays for two hours! Alice watches for a bit, then gets bored and goes to the playroom to play dollies. So what if his mind is being turned to mush by the computer. My hands are no longer the kids favorite toys. I am free! My hands are my own again! No more Rock, Paper Scissors for me!
This morning Dylan jumps onto my bed to wake me up. He also wants to tell me something important. So important it can't wait until I use the bathroom or brush my teeth. There he is basically sitting on top of me while I am trapped in bed.
Dylan looks down at me and says very seriously: "Mommy, I like to play Rock, Paper, Scissors, on the computer now. But, don't worry Bobby (His stuffed bunny) is going to play Rock, Paper, Scissors, with you. But, there is one little problem. Bobby doesn't have fingers so he always has to throw paper."
I almost peed my pants! I tried my best not to laugh. I just nodded and even had to have a few practice rounds with the bunny, before Dylan would get off me. Why? Because, this is my house, where the insanity flows like water!