Life As Lydia

Being Lydia is rough! First thing this morning I step on the scale to find that I have passed huge and have ventured deep into ginormous! Hence the way over do diet stared at breakfast. That was 2 hours ago. So far so good. Then I get the kids dressed to take Alice to nursery school and Dylan and I spend the morning alone together.

Alice's nursery school is on the college schedule so her vacations are always different. Oh, except today. I drive into to an empty college campus. We barely park when Alice starts whining that she isn't going to see her friends. Dylan starts whinging that we aren't going to have alone time and I wonder why I am such a horrid mother.

We pull ourselves together and head to the The Blessings Barn. They are a great local thrift store and I am hoping that they will help me with the town of Franklin's 4th of July Coalition yard sale. I drive up and see 3 huge boxes of toys. I shove them in the back of my Subaru and go inside to thank them. The lady at the desk says that it was okay that I grabbed the toys because they don't accept toys.

I tried to explain rather badly that I was from the 4th of July Coalition and I rifled through my messy baby bag looking for the paperwork. The woman stood there looking at my like I was conjoined twins. Then I remembered that I never did officially call back to talk to the supervisor. So I got nervous and immediately began digging a bigger hole for myself.

"Oh crap I never called back. Are you LeAnne?"

"No I'm Melissa. Who's LeAnne?"

"Um the manager? Is her name not LeAnne?"

"Oh are you looking for Bonny Lee?"

"Yes, yes Bonny Lee. Nothing like LeAnne. So sorry."

"She's not here today." At this point I am ready to pour gasoline on myself and ask for a match. But my kids are with me and I don't want to traumatize them any more than I already have. I follow them into the other room of the thrift store too regroup. After a few minutes I start to feel my stomach gurgling. Hmmm? Coffee, Carnation Instant Breakfast, and Ritain...not the best breakfast for proper digestion.

I tell Dylan to watch Alice and run for the bathroom. I see the "Employees Only" sign, but I go in any way. This is an intestinal emergency! I sit and quickly deposit half of my body weight into the bowl and feel much better. I flush, dress, and try to get out of there before I get in more trouble. Maybe they'll even ask me to leave!

I hear an odd sound coming form the toilet and look to see that the substance has barely moved. I panic. I look at the trash can. I look for a window. I look for a miracle! I find a miracle. A huge black plunger. I flush again and start plunging like I am on the Olympic pluming team. After about 4 flushes and gold medal quality plunging the bowl is clear. I wash my hand and run out of there back to where my kids are. I am sure that I am safe. I take a deep breath and calmy look for the paper work.

I find the paper work. I manage to write a nice not to Bonny Lee and the lady at the desk agrees to put the note in Bonny Lee's mail box. I think that I have redeemed myself when she adds.

"You know the bathroom is not for public use."

"I know. I just had to..." The lady is giving me that look again. I continued "...So um, you can tell Bonny Lee to just leave the toys outside." Then I grabbed the kids and ran out. You have to know when to hold them, know when to fold, them, and honey sometimes you just have to run! Especially when you are Lydia.


I