Dylan has a best friend a boy who is in his class. I see the kid from time to time at school functions. He is usually at these functions with his mom. At first she seems shy. She will look over at me smile then look away. I will wave and she will nod her head and blush. Eventually after a few awkward smiling waving episodes I was completely shocked when one day during an after school Destination Imagination meeting out of the blue she asked us out on a date. She wanted to come home with us to play. I was a little nervous, I didn't know her at all and I had never had a play date with an Indian mom before, what were her expectations? I hope that she doesn't think I'm easy.
Dylan, Alice, and I went home and the mom and son followed. Once we all got into the house the kids ran off and the mom and I are sitting at the kitchen table staring at each other. To break the awkward silence I ask her a stupid question.
"Is India one of the cultures where dogs and cats are considered filthy and dirty and never kept in the house?" She smiled and nodded her head yes. We both looked at Anabel sleeping on the floor by our feet and started laughing.
"I am so sorry about the dog." I say and she giggles and says.
"No problem. I know here it is too cold for the animal to live outside, my son wants a pet. I tell him if you want pet that is great. You can buy all of the pet you want when you no longer live in my house."
We both laughed again and I knew that I liked this woman. During her visit she admitted that she had never had an American friend before and she was also not sure what to expect. She is confused by the idea of a planned play date. In India neighbors and kids just drop by and hang out. I told her that she could drop by my house anytime, I am a horrible planner! I am so unorganized that I always forget to plan play dates and on the weekends my kids are forced to play (sign-complain) with each other. I warn her that I am not a typical American mother. What goes down in my house may be seen as odd in a "normal" American house hold. For example the decorations. I have religious items from all of the major religions up around my house. I also have postcards of TV dinners, a collection of fried eggs, and vintage pocketbooks displayed in my kitchen. I also have plans to do some fun crazy painting this summer. I have always wanted a sky painted ceiling with flying pigs and angels.
By the end of the play date we made another date for the following Saturday. Our kids are best friends and by the end our our play date we are friends too. The next step is to see if our daughters are a match.
Last Saturday she came over again, we couldn't go to her house because her husband was sick with the flu. All four kids met in the kitchen and went nuts and began trashing my house, which is always a god sign. Dylan and his friend hadn't seen each other in a while since it was school vacation week and they almost simultaneously combusted with joy over their reunion. Yes, this is the play date that Dylan cracked his head and ended up in the emergency room, but were not talking about that today. The girls played nicely together they are both tough and sturdy from having older brothers, and when the girl showed up wearing a red and black argyle print shirt over purple & pink polka dot sparkle pants, with green ruffle socks and blue sneakers I knew that the girls would be friends.
As we were chit chatting at the kitchen table she admitted to me that she is in the market for a seriously family relationship. Not having any relatives in this country she is hoping that the boy's friendship and our new friendship can grow into something bigger. So far she sees a lot of potential she really like me. She thinks I'm cool. I am glad. People seem to love me or hate me, there doesn't seem to be a middle ground.
Feeling complimented by her proposition and touched by her honesty, and the fact that she thinks I'm cool, I agreed that I would like to be good family friends too. Since my kids have no "real" cousins and none coming on the near horizon. I have my one single sister, and my husband's half brother is busy being in his twenties. We are pretty lean on the family front at this point in our lives. I would love to have another family to invite over for holidays. We have close friends but we are often wishing for more people to hang out with on Holidays. In fact we made Easter plans on the spot. They of are not Christian, but they can experience my second annual Easter bunny egg hunt! I'll have to invite my Jewish friends over too! We'll have a multicultural Holiday Egg Hunt celebration. I make the kids put on bunny ears and hop around the yard looking for plastic eggs filled with treats (but not candy! Not this year).
We hug and are both happy to be on the same page. The next step is the most crucial, the husbands. Toddlers are easy they'll be friends no matter what. The boys are already best-friends. Mom's can be tricky but if given enough one on one time they find a common ground. She and I get along very well and I can see us having a lot of fun and learning a lot from each other. Dads are harder especially since one of the dads doesn't like American football, or any other sports. Usually you sit two guys in front of a game with beer & pizza then come back in two hours and they are friends. These two guys are going to be harder. They both like chess. Can you actually drink beer and have manly bonding while playing chess? We will see the meeting is Saturday at 4:00pm.
She is concerned that we are rushing into having the husband's meet. My thought is that there will be chemistry or not. The menfolk will feel a connection or they won't. We can't make it happen for them. I think we should just shove them in a room and see what happens. We do have a lot riding on this meeting. If the menfolk dislike eachother we can still be friends but the family functions are gone. The dream is dead. Our hearts, and the hearts of our son's will be broken. Oh relationships are so tricky. Maybe they should have EHarmoney or Match.com for families?
