Mommy Why Are You Crazy

"Momma, what's his name?" which is pronounced "Waahename" Alice asks holding her little stuffed beanbag dog into the air. This little animal has become her favorite toy of the moment and the dog goes everywhere with us. We always refer to the dog as Doggie. For once my kid is going easy on me. An answer that I know.

"Alice, isn't his name Doggie?" I reply. She sakes her head no.

"Momma what's his name?" She asks again looking up at me with her big tear drop blue eyes.

Perhaps the child wants me to name the dog. After all she has at least 3 dog stuffed animals named Doggie.

"Hmmm, let's look at him." She shakes the animal and over her head then holds the dog towards me. When I go to take hold of it she snatched the dog away and hold him to her chest.

"How about Lovie? Since you love him so much?" She shakes her head no.

"No momma das not he name. What's his name?"

"Spot."

"No."

"Pal."

"No."

"Anabel."

"No! Momma Anabel our pet dog." I take a deep breath. Is this kid messing with me?

"I give up. Honey tell momma. What do you want to name your doggy?" She scrunches up her face and her little furrowed eyebrows meet in the middle.

"Mommy. Whats he name? My doggie. Momma what's his name?"

"Benji?"

"No"

"Lassie?"

"No"

"Rin Tin Tin?"

"No"

"Tiger"

"He no tiger momma. He is doggie." Am I on a hidden camera show? I fell like I am in the real life version of Who's On First. How did I get into this conversation more importantly how can I get out. I have an idea.

"Hey Dylan!" I yell . "Dylan can you come in her for a minute?" Dylan runs into the room and I ask him.

"Sweetie, can you help me out? What's Alice's dog's name?"

"Mom, his names is Doggie." Dylan says as if I had just asked him what planet we live on. I look at Alice who is smiling and nodding.

"Yes! He name is Doggie!" I shake my head close my eyes and plan my revenge. I am going to be an uber difficult loud cantankerous old lady with poor hygiene and I am going to refuse to die.

Tribute To Those Who Have Died

I would like to dedicate this entry to all of the fruits and vegetables that have rotted and died in my refrigerator. I would also like to apologize for my neglect. I let you waste your freshest days trapped in an overstuffed cold dark drawer. I just want you to know that my intentions were always good.

Here is my side of the story. I walk the aisles of the super market with an air of enthusiasm. I promise myself This is the week that we are going to make wonderful salads and I am going to find that recipe for the Asian spicy green beans. I have visions of home made soups and stir-fries, veggie snacks, and fruit salads. I spend a long time picking out the most perfect pears, the most succulent squash, the awesomest apples. My family will have healthy delicious food this week! I then take this beautiful rainbow of produce home and fill two full drawer, one for fruit and one for veggies. I do pack carrots & apples in lunch boxes, but they are the only lucky ones, most of their friends sit and sit, until they rot to death and die.

I have the best intentions, but life gets in the way, even though I promise myself that this week will be different. Alice an I are usually out all day. We pick up Dylan from school at 3:00, then we go to chess club, the park, or the YMCA and don't get home until around 4:30. The kids are grumpy and hungry, I am grumpy and exhausted. I open the fridge and stare at the veggies. A nice chef salad would mean washing the lettuce, drying it, cutting up veggies, cutting up the meat, all with the kids coming in to the kitchen begging for food and trying to steal snacks out of the cupboards. The dog will be under my feet trying to trip me so when I fall and break my neck, she can eat the small piece of turkey in my hand. Then once the battle is over and I have made dinner and set the table my son will complain about how he hates salad and I will fight with him for 45 minutes to take just one bite. He will take one bite tell me how disgusting my food is and refuse to eat anymore.

Or I can heat up a pack of hot-dogs and throw a few pre-cut carrots sticks or microwave a pack of self steaming frozen veggies, slap it on their plates and be done with it. I hate this! But this seems to be my reality. I don't want to be "that" mom, but my alternative is to rise with the birds at 6:00am and prepared a kid friendly healthy feast that I can heat up in 10 minutes at meal time. Oh and then clean up the kitchen for the kid's breakfast, shower, dress myself and them, get teeth brushed, hair combed, shoes on, make lunches, prepare their backpacks and drive them to school? If you do all of this I admire you and I support you, but I am never ever, I mean ever, going to be you. Half the time I am amazed that I remembered to put my bra on. I have gone to my son's school 3 days in a row with out brushing my hair, oh and forget make-up. I know my limitations.

I just feel bad for the fruit and vegetables. They are the victims here. I know that I should just stop buying them, but then I have to admit to myself that I have become one of "those" moms that I swore that I would never become. Until that day comes I'll be in the produce aisle looking for my next victims.

Just Keep Swimming

Okay so everyone is talking about the economy. Definitely not my forte or subject of choice. I'd much rather gossip about the goings on at the YMCA than at AIG. I have been watching the news and been freaked out by the many friend's husband's who have lost there jobs. Thank God my husband is safe. After all the guy works for an unsinkable company, his company is a billion dollar corporation that has been in business for generations. He assured me his job is safe. Okay a few months ago he said these nice things to calm my anxious brain.

Every one who has seen the movie Titanic knows that there is no such thing as an unsinkable ship. I also learned from that movie that the bigger the ship the harder the drop to the bottom of the sea. A month or so ago my husband tells me in passing that his company needs to have there bonds reissued. What I heard was. "My company blah blah blah." I don't know nothing about no bonds. I barely know what the guy does for a living. He then told me a few days later that if the company doesn't get bonded then it will be forced to file chapter 11 bankruptcy protection..

My happy life shattered into the depths of the deep dark ocean. If my husband's company sinks we are ruined. I imagine the 4 of us and our dog living in a cramped one bed room apartment. Dave and I will have to hide in closet sized the bathroom to get alone time. Well never be able to have sex again! We will trapped under mountains of plastic toys and people won't come to rescue us for weeks.

Dave explained that if his company goes out of business that we can stay a float for about 6-12 months. But. But, I hate buts. Especially his buts. Here are his buts: No more YMCA (My whole life and 80% of our social interaction). No more milk man (Okay I can live with that). No more Netflix. No more Cable. No more activities, Friends, or a life! No more excellent quality of life for my kids in the winter. In the summer we can play at Parks, go to the library, but no town lake sticker or YMCA pool. Oh and no summer beach vacation. In the winter we'll lose our minds!

Hmmm, "But no" that phrase sucks! With his plan we at least won't loose our house. Instead of worrying I start to pray that his company is not Titanic, but the Love Boat, or The Queen Elizabeth II. A happy fun boat with frozen drinks and perhaps yearly bonus.

Dave's company went Chapter 11 last month and he was guessing that he would be on board for at least 2 years. But, no bonus, and a few cents raise. I go into secret panic mode. I live in fear that he will get thrown overboard daily. I always call him at work to say "hi". But lately I am really calling to test the waters to see if he is being pushed closer to the edge. The other day he came home in the middle of the day and I watched in fear as he climbed out of the car. he was grasping his stomach and his faced looked pained. Crap! He was laid off! I try to plaster a fake smile onto my face. He opens the door and says. "Stomach flu" then he runs into the bathroom. Stomach flu? Praise God! The man has the stomach flu! A round of applause for barfing! Hip hip hooray!

Yesterday he was still home sick. He got the email. The Titanic is taking on a lot of water. Actually the Titanic is being taken out of the water and sold for parts. The company is being split up and selling of divisions. The employees are all left in the water with only a few life rafts with only enough room of a few, and no guarantees. People will have to tread water and just wait in the rough sea. My Dave is a good swimmer, and a hard worker, but his fate is not in his hands.

Now he thinks that perhaps he'll have to tread water for 5-6 weeks or as much as 6 months before he drowns. Before we and our hopes and dreams for our future end up at the bottom of the ocean. We have both started to brace for the long swim. Dave like millions of others is looking for a new boat and a new job. Only time can tell. Perhaps if he ends up drowning and a friend who gets on a solid life raft can eventually pull Dave aboard? All I know is that our family is headed for choppy surf! I keep thinking of Dori from finding Nemo. There is nothing I can do but just keep on swimming-Just keep on swimming-just keep on swimming.

Happy Birthday To Me...But Not You

In the pick up line yesterday my friend asks me if my son is going to the boy's birthday party in a few weeks. I replied that we didn't know about the boys birthday party and I immediately assumed that I had lost yet one more note home from school. I mean my boy does explode his backpack in the car everyday on the ride home. Things get misplaced and destroyed on a regular basis. But that was not the case. My friend told me that these invitations were mailed to kid's homes. I inquired about when said invitation arrived and she told me about a week ago. Hmmm, I didn't see any birthday party invitation. Then she told me that the invitation was from Pump It Up and perhaps since the invitation was a little post card that we mistook it for junk mail?

Pump It Up? Where my son had his birthday party and we invited his whole class including this boy and spent over $400.00 for a two hour party? Yes I know it all too well. My friend assured me that my son must be invited and that I should call the boys mom.

Here is my dilemma. If I call the boys mom and my son is not invited I will put her in a horrible situation. I don't want to make myself look like the idiot helicopter mom who is trying to manipulate an invitation to a party. What do I say. "Um hi, my son didn't get an invitation to your son's party. What's up with that? Was it lost in the mail? Or are you excluding my son and ruining his self esteem and chances of having a productive happy social life?"

On the other hand if he is invited and the post card has been lost in the mail the mom will be waiting for my RSVP. Then she will think that I am a jerk for not responding. Either way the word will spread that I am a high maintenance psycho mom who is way to involved in her six-year-olds social life, or a snob who doesn't even bother to respond and shuns a sweet little boy on his happiest day.

Honestly I don't care if my son is invited or not this is all about maintaining relations with the class moms. I am going to be interacting with these ladies for 8 more years so I need to play this thing right. I decide to email my friend who's son is also in the class, and see if he is invited.

I also casually ask Dylan if the boy has mentioned the party and asked if my son is coming. Even in Kindergarten the kids are buzzing about who's party is coming up and what the theme is. Dylan said that he knew that the boys birthday was coming up soon, but he didn't hear about the party. Great! My son didn't realize that he might be a social outcast, but now he knows that there is a party and that he might not be invited. Oh lord I am going to have to pay for a lot of therapy.

Wait, I just got a reply for the other mom in the class and she has confirmed that her son has not received an invitation either. Okay I am going to pay for a whole lot of therapy. The boy has only invited certain kids to the party meaning that the day after the party all of the kids who went will be talking about how much fun they had and the kid's who were left out will end up with a compulsive over eating problem! Okay so that was just me.

Let me take you back to 3rd grade in the Lawrence school in Brookline, MA. Julie Auerbach, Red Auerbach the famous president and face of the Boston Celtics for 20 years' granddaughter had a birthday party and didn't invite me. Not just any party. She took the whole class to a Celtic's game. They sat behind the team bench they met the players. I was sitting at home watching TV while my classmates were hanging out with Larry Bird for Gosh sakes! Why did Julie hate me? Because I was best friends with Perrin and she wanted to be best friend's with Perrin. So I never met the Celtics. I hated Julie for many years, but now I am much more mature. That was 31 years ago...oh and Julie. Perrin and I are still best friends! In your face!

As for the boy. I'll tell Dylan that he had a small party and he couldn't invite the whole class. I will also tell him not to take not being invited personally. Also my friend who's son wasn't invited either is having a huge Easter egg hunt on her lawn that day. We'll all have more fun anyways. Nah nah nah nah nah!

Does Your House Know What Season It Is

Spring has sprung we have made it through Valentines Day & Saint Patrick's Day and headed into Easter. At least I think that we are in spring. Some of my neighbors seem to be confused. A lot of houses in my town are beautifully decorated, but for the wrong holidays. They seem to be frozen in time. I first noticed this epidemic when I was driving to my friend's house last week and passed by a house with a full Christmas display. They had reindeer, Santa, and lights covering their house as well as on every tree & shrub. I know that I am unorganized, but come on people I understand if you don't have time to take the lights down, but do you have time to turn them off?

I drove home that night feeling so superior. Christmas decorations in March! Ha! What kind of fool is that? Then I drive up to my house and notice that I forgot to take down the big Christmas star hanging in Alice's bedroom window. Oh, and the big light up Valentine heart in my bedroom window...Oh, and the Saint Patrick's Day flag hanging over my porch...the porch with the hanging star Christmas lights lining the ceiling. Oh crap! My house is as crazy and unorganized as my brain! I am so judgemental and Karma is such a witch! Hey But at least I don't have Halloween decoration up! That' gives me an ounce of self respect to hold on to.

I started to wonder how many other families are suffering from this Holiday decorating disorder. You know you keep up and change your display for a few months then you eventually don't have time or you forget and your house gets stuck on a holiday. Or if you are like me your house has split personality disorder and seems to be celebrating a few holidays that the same time. Being a nosey sort of gal I had to drive around Franklin and check out other houses just to see where they got stuck.

I drove around the next day in search of frozen decorations. I found a lot of Christmas wreaths, a bright red sled the size of my living room filled with weather beaten presents, and a large aount of lights. I saw a few cornstalks a couple of scare crows and a surprising amount of orange piles of mush that I believe were once pumpkins. Those poor pumpkins being left to die and decompose on the front step. I hope that none of these people own pets. I mean they can't even take care of a pumpkin. Okay so my pumpkins turned soft, but I removed them after Thanksgiving...just in time to put up my Christmas decoration.

Since I do live in New England's version of Mayberry I of course saw many beautiful Easter displays. I sw beautifl pastel egg wreaths, bright colored wild flower wreaths, flags, colorful eggs hanging from trees, bunnies and chick in windows over big window boxes filled with flowering crocuses. These houses are reason why I feel that I have to decorate. I can't have some little chippy's house looking all cute when mine looks like crap! So I try to keep up with the Martha Stewarts in town. I try but, my gosh that takes way too much effort as is evident by my house. I get all worked up about decorating before the holiday is over...in years past I have uncovered stashes of red hearts on Easter and discovered boxes of Christmas goodies in July. Then I end up with my silly looking house. This holiday gig is exhausting. I decided that I should just jump of the holiday band wagon and give myself a break.

Of course this weekend we rid the house of those embarrassing decorations and hung up the Easter flag, put a huge fluffy tissue paper bunny face on the door I felt a bit better. I'm not letting the Martha's win!

Is your house frozen on a Holiday? Or are you a Martha?

CROCS

I LOVE CROCS!!!!!!!




The first day of spring is upon us and it's time to put on our Crocs and go back outside! I personally love Crocs. They are bright and plastic! Yes plastic shoes....but they are so cute! What's not to love? I know there are many Crocs haters out there. Please know that I put up a few anti-Crocs things in the blog just for you.

Here are some fun Crocs to help get you in the mood for spring.