Friday, August 28, 2009
"No just the ones who are alive."
"He's dead too"
"No sweety his name is Albert Einstein and was not a president."
"Well can't he still go?"
"No he is dead."
"Why is everyone dead!"
"Well Barack Obama isn't dead and he's coming."
"Barack Obama! He is coming here!"
"Is he coming here to our house? Or just to Franklin!"
"No honey he is coming here to our state. He'll be in Boston at the funeral."
"Ted Kennedy's funeral"
"Who the heck is Ted Kennedy?"
Thursday, August 27, 2009
For some reason I stopped singing in public. I think perhaps the decision had to do with my kids. From a young age they started saying things to me like. "Stop singing!" They would cover their ears and scream. "Momma Stop that!" "I hate when you sing!" Not good for a diva's self esteem. Horrible in fact. I started to wonder if I was tone deaf. Maybe I couldn't hear how bad I really sound? Like those poor people on American Idol? You know the ones who suck and think that they are the next Mariah Carey.
Fast forward to last night. My girl friends and I are at our local Applebees having a few cocktails and coincidentally it is kareoke night. After much pushing and convinces they talked me into singing a song. I reluctantly go get the song book. I can't do this. The last time I have sung kareoke was 1992. I picked a Sara Evans song called Suds In The Bucket. A fun rockin song that I love to sing in the car. I like to sing in the car because the kids are strapped in their seats so they can't stop me. Yes my children actually put their hands over my mouth when I sing. They claim that my voice hurts their ears.
When the DJ guy called my name I almost passed out. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking. What if the crowd starts covering there ears and screaming. "Stop singing!" "No singing momma!" I walked over to the bar and have some kind of outer body experience. Was I really doing this? Was I crazy? Why didn't I have more drinks? But I couldn't let my girl friends down. I promised them.
The guy hands me the microphone and the screen lites up. I hear this voice singing and in key. I realize that I am singing. My body goes on some kind of auto pilot. I look around and people are smiling. My friends are smiling from ear to ear and one of them even whips out a camera. I am getting into the song and dancing around. People are hooting and clapping along. I finish the song to loud applause and quickly hide behind my friends. Did I really just let my sparkle-fabulous diva flag fly free at Applebees? When I was done being horrified and embarrassed I felt good. I felt great! My friends showered me with compliments. Maybe I should let my secret diva out every once and a while. My kids will get over it. Their is always therapy.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Dave and I wouldn't mind another child if one happen to find its way into my belly. We are simply not trying too prevent a pregnancy. In case one should come along.
Hence when I didn't have my period I got a little excited and terrified. Excited because I love being pregnant and I do love naming things. Terrified because if you have read any of my previous blogs you will will understand that Dave and I should never have been allowed to get a dog none the less raise a child. Raising two children has turned my hair gray and put me on the cusp of requiring serious psychotropic drugs. Raising a third child would render me catatonic shaking like a Chihuahua in a pool of melted ice-cream. Knowing all of this I was still hoping that I might be pregnant.
Dave brought me home a pregnancy test from Walmart. A generic pregnancy test kit, with two tests. In case there are two of you? Wow, so like Molly & Polly to take them together after study hall? Or are there two in case someone is too dumb and can not figure out how to pee on a stick? Should I be trusting a generic pregnancy test made for teenagers and idiots?
I grab the kit and run into the bathroom before the kids see me. I would like some privacy. I pee on the stick and wait. One window is smudged blue and one window has a blue line...OMG I might be pregnant? Is a blue smudge the same as a blue line? I read the directions...my result is inconclusive because I have some how screwed up the test. How can I raise three kids if I can't pee on a stick. I bet Molly and Polly figured it out. I hang my head in shame.
Alice walks in. "Momma? What's that?"
"Nothing." I say and throw the stick in the trash.
"Can I have that thing?"
"No. Absolutely not! Well, maybe after you finish medical school."
I go out and tell Dave that I am an idiot. Then I drink lemonade hoping to fill my bladder in record time. Then I recall that the best time to take a test is in the morning. The next day I get up before everyone else. I tip toe down stairs and grab the test off of the bathroom shelf. I ambivalently open up the plastic and remove the plastic stick. Do I want to see two lines? I imagine holding a new baby. They are always so warm and my heart melts when they make those soft cooing sounds. Oh and their feathery hair and rosy cheeks. I want a two lines.
I pee on the stick. I put the white test on the window sill and stare. Nothing happens so I let my eyes drift over to wet leaves sparkling in the sun. The woods look so beautiful, magical...crap! My eyes snuck a peek at the test. Their is still one line. Shouldn't the other line be there by now? I go make coffee. Then I come back and peak in the bathroom. Still one line. I pick up the test and drop it with a clank into the trash can where it lands next to the other one. I go back to the kitchen dry my tears and drink coffee.
The kids eventually come down and start the morning chaos. Then Dave comes down.
"Did you take the test?"
I finish my coffee and start the day.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Like all parents through out the country I am giddy with delight. In eight days my wildest dreams will come true. My darling son and daughter go back to school! I am celebrating all week! That is why this week is back to school week on Lydia Oh Lydia.