The Truth About Motherhood

Perhaps I need to clarify a few things to our non-parent/custodial readers. I write my blog about the dark hard parts of parenting. The parts of parenting that they never show in the media or in child care books. I write about the secrets moms keep from each other. Especially the intense demanding at times treacherous schedules and lives that we live. There is a strict mother conduct code that applauds perfect mothers who broadcast junior’s achievements at five minute intervals all day. Other mother’s stations are tunes to bragging about their perfect house that they are always redecorating or their fantastic vacations. Other mothers are tuned to fashion and beauty. The station matter not what matters is that they all pretend that they, their kids, and their lives are perfect. Hence we all try to outdo each other until we are all insane. My blogs knocks down and pulverizes the perfect happy family façade. Because being at home with small children is to put it bluntly wicked hard! I am here to admit and laugh about all of the parts of mothering that people never talk about. I smash the facades and hope that moms/caregivers will understand that they are not alone in their imperfection and that everyone has bad days and even bad weeks.


Yes this is the hardest most stressful underrated unappreciated job in the world, but being a caregiver is the most important and the most rewarding. All of the bad stressful parts of parenting combined are worth one second of the love and fulfillment of being a mom. I am so in love with my kids. They are my soul mates and everyday there is a magical moment or usually a lot of magical moments where I look at them and am instantly flooded with so much joy and love that I could sob tears of joy. I am not here to write Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul. Those books make me want to hurl. But I will share the magical moment Alice and I had at Ballet. We walked out of the YMCA and into the parking lot. Alice was wearing her ballet outfit because she didn’t want to put her sweats back on. We walk outside to a cold windy day and I say.

“Alice aren’t you cold? Do you want your sweater now?” My beautiful little daughter dressed in her light blue leotard with short flowing shirt and ballet shoes looked up at me with a huge smile and said with wonder and affection.

“Oh momma, I dance in the wind.” She lifted her little arms and danced in the parking lot lost in her own bliss. There I was watching her in her little blue suit with her hair and skirt gracefully blowing in the wind her face with the expression the purest joy and delight that only a child can have. At that moment I knew that my sole purpose in this life was to give birth to this perfect child. I am a mom. We all love our kids this much, at times, if we didn’t have these magical moments we would have eaten our young a long time ago. What? Other mammals do it all of the time.

Good Mother

It is 1:02am. Halloween party tomorrow I have just finished making 12 pounds of caramel apples. I covered about 30 apples, my shirt, my dog, and most of my entire kitchen in caramel. Sticky, yummy, caramel is a perfect food; butter, sugar, and vanilla. Mmmmmmm. Too bad that the stuff hardens like indestructible plastic. How will I ever get it off of the dog?


Before I lived my succulent caramel daydream I finished Dylan’s wizard cape. I sewed on sequence stars, made a secret wand inside pocket and finished the hem. Wow. Hmmm…so basically I spent the night sewing and cooking? I, Lydia, the shunner of all things domestic had an old fashioned evening. Picture me sewing by kerosene lamp alone in my log cabin up on the mountain. Okay so that’s not me at all. I used hot glue for the hem and have many needle holes in my fingers. Martha Stewart can kiss my ass. I get the job done. Perhaps the process isn’t pretty, but I can great things. I’ll post a picture when the boy is all dressed up. Hopefully he’ll look 80% wizard and only 20% drag queen.

That’s all for now. I must sleep.

Kisses, Lydia

Retro Blog

I am too tired and over worked to write tonight. Here is a retro blog from my first blog in 2006. This blog is dated 03-07-06. I had recently had Alice and left my beloved Job at Wellesley College:

Today is my second really bad day being a slave mom. Dylan is being obnoxious and mouthy. Are three year-olds supposed to talk back? Why did we decide as a culture that hitting them was bad? Can someone remind me because I have a butt that I am dying to smack!
My beloved son my little soul-mate, my glittering ray of sunshine has turned into an evil demented demon child who won't listen to me. He is actually mimicking me! I say "Dylan stop that." he says "Mommy you stop that." I say "Dylan please come here." He says "no way poopie head!" I tell himn to "go to time out" he says "No, you go to time out." I end up having to carry him to time out! Then he sits there with an atitude and doesn't even seem to know what he has done wrong. Who's child is this?

He trashes my house when I am busy with the baby. If Dylan is calm and behaved then the baby is screaming and crying, if they are bith calm then the dog is barking out the window, or peeing on my rug. Not to mention no cooking or cleaning is getting done!

Who’s out of control hellish life is this? I was not prepared for this! I signed up for the loving kind mother with the beautiful sweet quiet children. The fun children who are not ever evil or possessed. I am supposed to be having fun. Enjoying my kids. Loving them and savoring this magical time in my life.
My hudband has class tonight and tommorow night. I am pulling 2 18 hour solo shifts! If tomorrow is like this I am going back to work for next Monday morning!

Trashy

Monday Monday…La-la la-la-la….An ordinary Monday in my life. Its 11:35pm my kids are asleep my husby is reading up in bed and I am outside by the street digging through our smelly trash holding a flashlight in my teeth. Yes, I write this blog so that you can all feel better about your normal lives. This latest humiliating experience was all spawned by my newest obsession with my Pandora bracelet. I got a beautiful bracelet from my two best friends for my 40th birthday. For those of you who want to know Pandora is a cute kind new kind of charm bracelet. The charms go on like beads and they have many fun and cute styles to choose from.


Here I am I have this cute new bracelet and two special charms from my girls…I love charms. I of course want to fill the bracelet with charms immediately. Well I did until I found out that each charm starts at fifteen dollars and goes upwards of a few hundred dollars each. Of course the big glass beads charms that I love are fifty dollars. Yeah…so I am broke and any way I am way too cheap to drop fifty bucks on a single bead. After all I am the woman who recently bought a new pair of Merrel clogs for $7.99 at my favorite boutique... my local thrift store. Momma don’t buy full price!

Now that you know who you are talking to you won’t be surprised that I went online to find the best price for colorful beads to fit on my new bracelet. After wasting way too many hours searching the web I was thrilled to find silver and glass beads that I liked for only 9.99 for two. I only wanted to buy one of each but the price was so right I was still saving money. I order three beads styles that I like. Six beads for $30.00 I am a goddess. I bought six beads for less than the price of one Pandora bead. Ha! I beat the system again! I congratulate myself, give myself a gold star for excellent in the art of shopping and go on with my life.

My package arrived today. The beads are beautiful but a little bigger than I thought. Still isn’t bigger always better? I immediately take the beads out of their wrappings and put them on my bracelet. Oh they looked so pretty. The only issue was that the holes in the beads are so big that the beads slide all around the bracelet. It’s kind of annoying. I waited for the kids to go to bed and then got on my computer to see if I could find beads you screw on your bracelet called spacers. I find some spacers beads online for $14.99 each. That’s a lot of money for one bead, but I saved so much money on the big glass beads that I actually consider buying one spacer. That is until I realized I spot the beads that I just bought for a fraction of their price. That’s right! I was an idiot and way over paid for the knock off glass beads. I paid $9.99 for the darn things and here are the exact same beads for $1.75 each. I look at the screen then down at my wrist. Yup, the same! Exactly the same!

That’s it! No one makes Lydia over pay. These beads are going back in the mail tomorrow and I am ordering the cheaper ones. Now where is the envelope, invoiced, and the little bags the beads came in? I know that I threw them in the kitchen trash. I go into the kitchen reach under the sink and scream. Tomorrow is trash day. Dave has taken out the trash.

That’s how I came to find myself riffling through the trash in my pajamas holding a flashlight in my teeth. Just another normal Monday night at my house.

Less Time At The Store To Go Shopping

Sorry I haven’t written daily. I miss you all so much. I have been held prisoner at the store for the last two weeks. Amnesty International is got involved and I am being released next week. Then I will be serving out my sentence two nights a week. Actually I like working at the store, but I do need to reduce my hours before my brain explodes. I am running a house here, I have to make time for my two crazy kids, a dog, a husband, and make sure that we don’t run out of food, clothing, or toilet paper. For example it snowed today. Do I have winter jackets for the kids? Snow pants? Boots? Mittens? Old wooden tennis rackets to strap to their feet?

No. I have nothing and I work in a store! But, I am too stressed and strapped for time to buy what we need. I know that doesn’t make sense. Let me explain it to you. I usually work from six PM to ten-thirty. Husby rushes home so that I can leave for work by five-thirty. I drive to the store and clock in for six. Then I work until the store closes and I only get one fifteen minute break. That gives me fifteen minutes to sit down and get a snack and a cool drink or fifteen minutes to wheel a cart around the store at full speed while snatching stuff off of the shelves. I did that a few times. I felt like I was on one of those game shows where you have 30 seconds to grab all of the free stuff you can. I learned my lesson those breaks “breaks” were exhausting.

Basically I need to escape from work at the store in order to keep up with my main job as a mom like buy things the family needs in a store.