A Christmas Letter Translated

I hope that this letter find you well. But less happy and fatter than me. This has been another fun and wonderful year for our family. My family has almost done me in this was the worst year ever. This year Dave was able to spend a lot more time at home. His company imploded and went out of business. Dave also had fun doing projects on the house and yard. Becasue having him inside the house was driving me crazy. Dave and I also got some needed couple time. Thank God for couple’s therapy because I was on the brink of running away, I had one foot out the door. The kid’s are great! The kids are fighting non-stop and I am pretty sure that they actually do hate each other and may not ever learn to love each other. Sweet Anabel is still cute as a puppy. The dog is still obnoxious and incontinent. If my husband can get a permanent job we’ll be able to put down new floors for her to pee on. Other news is that we have started planning some new renovation projects.


This summer we are happy to report that Dave had his first summer off in two decades! The summer was terrifying we had way too little money and way too much togetherness. Dave finally caught up on his reading. My husband took to spending the days hiding at the local library. While the kids and I found new ways to have fun. I was left with two kids to entertain all day on zero budget. The kids had the best summer ever! They spent the summer complaining how bored they were while I spent the summer stress eating and getting to my fattest weight ever. I spent the summer cooking up wonderful new recipes from all of my cookbooks. Dave also signed up for a one hundred mile ride for MS. He is going to bike from Quincy to Provincetown to help raise money. The daily grind in the house became so unpleasant that my husband decided to participate in a hundred mile bike race and started to spend the time that he wasn’t hiding at the library riding his bike. You know Dave, he biked it in record time! Thank you all for your generous donations! Dave was disappointed in his performance in the grueling ride and the dollar amount of his insufficient donations. The high point of our summer was a fantastic vacation at a luxury resort on the ocean on Cape Cod. Our friends let us use a week at their time share. They had an indoor pool, it was only a short walk to a small beach.

Before we knew it was September and time for school! After what felt like seven months of hell finally summer was over. In the Fall Dylan started the 1st grade at the BFPCPS and Alice started at the YMCA Y World of Tots. We could no longer afford her old preschool. Okay so we couldn’t afford the YMCA preschool either. In September I turned 35 and Dave threw me a huge extraordinary soirée! In September I turned 40 and Dave couldn’t afford the fancy big party that he wanted. A friend helped him host a small BBQ at her house for me. I recieved many glorious gifts! My family lost their health benefits. In October just for fun I got a job at Target! I love that store and now I get a discount. I got a job at Target in order to get health benefits and so that we could afford groceries. Dave saw how much fun I was having and decided to go back to work full-time for a while. After seven horrible months Dave finally got a five month contract job. I loved my new job so much that I simply switched to nights and weekends. I kept the job at Target so that we’d have some income in the spring. With both of us working we are treating ourselves to a few luxuries. Now, we could afford to buy over-priced crappy health insurance that costs the same as our mortgage each month.
Life is good! We are thankful for having such a magnificent blessed life. When will this nightmare end? Wishing you all a great 2010! Next year has to be better.

Lydia Alert

I have been kidnapped by a fat man in a red suit. He abducted me from my house in a sleigh. I didn't get the lisence plate number. He has me trapped at his toy making factory. He says that I have to work every night until Christmas. I am working so much and sleeping so little that I have no time to write. I miss you all so much. I am trying to escape. Please send help and coffee.

Charity Trickery

Charity: generosity and helpfulness especially toward the needy or suffering; also : aid given to those in need.


A few weeks ago at church we were invited to choose a needy child from whom to buy Christmas presents for. No, we didn’t get to pick out an actual child; we got to choose a card from a table that had a child’s name, age, and a list of wants and needs. I had a great idea to help teach my kids learn about charity I had Dylan pick a seven year old boy, and I had Alice pick out a four year old girl. I tried to explain to my darlings about how these kid’s parents couldn’t afford to give them Christmas presents this year. That we would buy presents for the kid’s. My son looked up at me like he was really pondering this fact, like he truly understood.

“Mom I have a question?” Dylan asked with furrowed brow his little eye brows almost touching.

“Yes?” I say.

“Do we have to buy all of this stuff?” He says sounding worried as he looks down at the boy’s card.

“We’ll buy as much as we can.”

“Or, we can just ask Santa for the stuff? Then we can get all of it for free!” He smiles a satisfied smile. I am somewhat disturbed, but oddly proud of his problem solving skills.

“No.” I say feigning a frown.

“Why? We’ll give it to them.”

“No. We can’t trick Santa” I say and then put my arm around him. “You and I will buy him the gifts together.”

Baby steps….I remind myself. We have made progress. At least he was planning to use his evil genius to help others. Does that still count as charity? Baby steps