Dave Is Expecting

My husband is expecting. We are awaiting the delivery of a 5 millimeter kidney stone. If it is a girl I want to name it Veronica. You didn’t know that he was expecting? We didn’t know either, not until Dave doubled over in pain at the dinner table last Wednesday night. Poor Dave, right after dinner he clutched his stomach and said that he felt quite ill. I of course assumed that I had simply poisoned him with dinner. He wouldn’t be the first to suffer infirmity after ingesting one of my culinary experiments. However I haven’t made any barf in over a decade.


Dave went to bed and as his pain grew so did his understanding that he not suffering from food poisoning but from kidney stones. He had passed kidney stones twice before and I guess the throbbing pain is unmistakable. The poor guy lay in bed and suffered. He refused to be taken to the emergency room. Luckily the pain passed quickly and we assumed that the stones had passed. That is until Friday night.

Friday night I came home late from my friend’s house, Alice was asleep, Dylan was spending the night at grandmas, and Dave was in bed acting like his body was possessed by evil spirits. He was clutching his stomach and groaning. He kept switching positions as if he was a puppet with a drunken puppet master. He moved like he was on fire and no position would give relief. I brought him ibuprofen and a heating pad. What? That’s what I use for cramps. I guess this pain is much much worse than cramps. I ran out to the 24hour drug store to buy their most powerful medicine. The pharmacist said that if he had kidney pain that nothing would touch it.

I went to plan B. I looked at my cell phone. The time read twelve thirty. I took a deep breath and called a friend. I of course woke her up. But she is the only person I know who has serious pain medication in her house. She is also the kind of person who you can call with a crisis in the middle of the night.

I drove to her house like a teenaged drag racer. I ran up to her door and she handed me a zip lock bag with a few pills. She told me to give him only one at a time. I ran back to the car and drove home minutes as fast as I could without being to conspicuous. I had nightmares of the police blog. Local mom get’s stopped trafficking prescription drugs speeding through town.

I got home, ran into the house and up the stairs. I gave Dave a pill and then went down stairs and burst into tears. I cried because I was so happy that his pain would be relived. I cried because I could now process how scared I actually was. But, I mostly cried because I realized how truly blessed I am to be cared about by such amazing friends.

Dave was fine until Monday night when I took him mostly by force to the Emergency room. He waited in horrific pain for hours only to have the doctor tell him that he did indeed have a kidney stone. My husband has a nice big 5 millimeter kidney stone that will keep his inside a flame for a few more days. That is of course if he can pass it. If he cannot deliver it the natural way he will have to have surgery, too bad that we don’t have any health insurance, but that is another