I'm Hot and Fat

The hottest summer month is here and I am almost living in my bathing suit. I am a hot stressed out mess. Dave has been traveling for work and I am the sole parent, buyer, maid, chef, referee, chauffer, and psychologist on staff here. Sadly the best way for me to deal with stress is eat. Since I have no child care I have not been working out. Yes, you guessed it, I am a fat paradox, and I am bigger and flabbier than ever and am squeezing into my smallest piece of clothing and parading all over town. I am not complaining I’d rather display my cellulite than hide in our Cape Cod Style 3 bedroom sweat lodge. At least I am super tan. Do you think that the dark skin will camouflage the chub?


Seriously, I am done trying to be a beauty queen or a trophy wife. At this point in my life I am comfortable in my own body and as long as my husband doesn’t run when he sees me naked then I am fine. As long as no one takes my picture, from below my chin, then I am fine. Because until I actually see myself I can pretend that I am not as flabby and fat as I really am. I know that other people do this.
Case and point I am at a family reunion on the beach in Plymouth. Yes, home of the Pilgrims and the Mayflower, that Plymouth. I am having a blast bouncing around the beach in my bathing suit; swimming with the kids, making sand castles, and collecting rocks and shells. We are all taking pictures and I am doing my best to hide behind people, chairs, towels, and beach umbrellas.

Until my cousin’s daughter aims a camera at me. I see that I am in her scope and the only person near me is my 4-year-old daughter Alice. She is under 4 feet tall and weighs about 50 pounds. I quickly go over the various ways that I can use her as a human shield but none of them will lend much coverage. Instead I strike my best movie star glamour pose and hope for the best.

Then the picture comes out and I look a lot better than I thought right? WRONG. She puts the picture on Facebook and tags me so now all of the world including my ex-boyfriends can see exactly how much I have let myself go.

Was that the catalyst that started my new road to health and fitness? No I am too stressed! I can’t stop eating long enough to go for a walk or read diet books right now. I can barely stop eating long enough to write this. But, I do know how I look. I guess the point is that I am doing the best I can right now. If you see me or women like me and say mean things to your friends or think to yourself “Oh my God she is so fat, why is she wearing that?”

My answer is simple. “I am wearing this because I am hot, yes, and I am fat, I am hot and fat, go on with your life.”

Summer Vacation

Our mom is too busy chasing us around to write. We are cute, crazy, and out of control. When we aren't dropping mom's new camera in to the ocean we are fighting or whining. Being a kid on summer break is hard, but we do our best to suck the life out of mom every day. Right now she is busy cooking in the kitchen. She has been in there for an hour. She bought these weird "special" seasonal fruits and veggies. She bought them at the farmer's market...they are good for us...blah blah blah. We aren't going to eat one bite of  her healthy gorss food. No Way! Why can't she just make us mac N' cheese?

Well I can't waste anymore time talking to you. While mom is busy I am going to use her computer, I'm not suposed too. Not after the Virus Control incident. Well how was I supposed to know that if I clicked the YES button that mom and Dad would be charged a $59.99 renewell fee? I don't even know what that word means. All I do know is that the computer asked if I wanted to protect the computer from viruses. So I clicked "YES" I thought that mom would be happy. 

Grown ups are so hard to please!