It takes me 25 minutes to drag Alice out of the YMCA. WE have a new ritual of running races around the track before we leave. Problem, she has to win or she freaks out. Problem we have no time so I run faster than usual to speed her up, which freaks her out and makes her stop every few yards to whine and complain. We get to the library at 11:00. I then Spend 15 minutes trying to find the one remaining Madi Gras book that is actually still on the shelf in the library. I don’t even have a chance to read the first page. I shove it in my bag and drag Alice out to the car. We drive to CVS and only find Saint Patrick’s Day bead necklaces with beer mugs hanging off of them. There were only 5 of them, I would have bought them and snapped off the beer mugs.
I drag Alice to Rite Aid, Walgreens, and my last hope, Biglots. Alice and I run in at 11:36, immediately I see Saint Patrick’s Day beads with shamrocks hanging off them. I do a quick count 8. Only 8? Then I see plastic green shiny coins. Okay! Some kids get beads some get coins, I have no more time. As I check out I mention to the cashier that I am actually using the green stuff as a lame substitute for Mardi Gras booty. She then tells me that in the car accessory department they have beads to hang on rearview mirrors.
I sprint down to the car accessories section. I grab all of the beads and am in the car by 11:42. I speed home am within minutes am yanking shamrocks off necklaces and ripping off tags I make Alice cereal in a mug and run upstairs to change my clothes. I choose black pants, purple shirt, and my fun gold and silver patterned clogs. I put funky sparkling earrings, bracelets, rings, and a bright patterned scarf in my purse to put on right before I read to add some fun! I throw on make-up, pack up the beads and book, shove an apple in Alice’s backpack and run out the door.
We get to her school at 12:34 only 4 minutes late. I volunteer until 1:30, she is very sad when I run out of her class. I get to the boy’s school a few minutes late. I have my meeting until 2:10. I am frazzled yet excited to be the Mardi Gras fun mom! I duck in the bathroom to put on my over the top accessories. I tie the scarf on my head like a headdress. I am such a fun mom! I run upstairs and peer down the hall and see another mom in the mystery reader’s chair.
I turn and run down the stairs and out of the school before anyone sees me. Why am I always screwing up my schedule? I jump in to my car and remove my headdress. I check the clock. 2:25. I need to pick up the kids at 3:00. I decide to go back to Alice’s class and make up for my hasty exit. She is thrilled to see me and we finish out her class together.
The moral of this story is that I have become the kind of mother that I used to make fun of. On the other hand it must be nice to have a mom who runs around like an ass to make you feel special. Even if you never know it.
