Day 9

Day 9 and all is fine. Okay I am planning to drink some intestinal Drano tomorrow if I don’t have any bathroom action. Ok enough potty talk. This morning I started with a cucumber apple and celery drink. This drink is so refreshing, like drinking glistening green nature. I started the morning off as usual me waking up sweating under the blankets, the dog and half of a sleeping 5-year-old. I roll the dog off nudge Alice off and tell her it’s time to wake up; I slide the covers off the bed and start my day. I go down stairs to let the god out and make sure that Dill is up and dressed. I make him breakfast then go up to find the covers back on the bed and Alice rolled into a ball under them. I tell her that it’s time to wake up and take off the covers again as she screams at me. Repeat 6 or 7 times. Now we have 15 minutes before we have to leave for school and I am pulling Alice out of bed by the ankles. I wrestle her clothes on her. She cries because she HATES the outfit even though she has worn it umpteen times. She runs into her room and claims that she has no clothes that she likes. Then she begs me to go down to the basement with her to see if anything she might want to wear in the dryer.


I open the basement door and almost get knocked off of my feet by a heinous odor. Did the last few days of rain flood the basement office? Did Dave forget to tell me that one of his many storage boxes is filled with 50 pounds of hamburger meat? I have no time to investigate. Alice finds a dress and throws it on in 3 seconds. Then she turns to me and says; “Momma something is wrong with the basement…PU”? She holds her nose and runs up stairs. After I drop them at school I investigate the basement and find no wet carpets or the source of the odor.

I pick the kids up and am reminded that this evening is the cookie decorating party at school. Only 5 dollars a kid to decorate homemade sugar cookies in all sorts of fun shapes with 3 pounds of frosting, sprinkles, and assorted candy. An alarm starts to go off in my head. DANGER DANGER! Cookies are my number one weakness especially sugar cookies in cute shapes all decorated and pretty. The kids and I used to make them for every occasion. Sugar cookies are my special food item that I bring to parties and give as presents. I decide that I will force Dave to go with them just like he did to the ice cream social last week. Why do schools only have food themed events? I vow to come up with and host at least one active nonfood school event this year.

The event starts at 6:00pm. I have been watching the clock since 5:00. The time is now 5:50 and no Dave. My birthday is tomorrow so I assume that he is out birthday shopping. I reluctantly pack up the kids and head to cookie hell. Would you believe that cookie hell was actually heaven? I sat with my mom friends and let the kids go wild. Dylan had a pile of candy and frosting. I couldn’t see if he had cookies underneath or not. Alice made some artistic cookies that must have weighed a pound each. They ate their creations and about an hour later Dylan staggered over with green frosting smudged all over his mouth. “Mom, my stomach feels funny…I know… I ate to much junk…you don’t have to say it.”

I smiled to myself. Perhaps the child did actually listen to me every once and a while. He sat next to me and put his head on my shoulder. Alice ate about half and brought the rest of her creations home. I walked out of the school doors into the night and expected a fairy God Mother to be lighting up the sky with her cookie wand. I spent 2 hours in a room filled with cookies and every color and kind of candy, sprinkle, and sugary delight in existence and I was fine. I wasn’t tempted at all. I didn’t need will power. I had no will to eat any of it. My fairy God Mother must have sprinkled magic anti-cookie dust on me as I walked in.

If eating fruits and vegetables is the key to being free from my food addiction I am never going back. No food tastes as good as freedom feels. I am finally free!

PS read tomorrow to find out what the smell is....

Day 8

Day 8 and I am still alive. Actually I am a little tired today. I’m not getting enough sleep. My daughter is having sleeping issues. Sleeping issues are very common with Aspergers Syndrome. She simply can’t fall asleep. I’ve tried warm milk, tea, baths, massages with relaxing herbal lotions, stories, cuddling; nothing helps the child get drowsy. She is usually awake until at least 10:00pm every night. We put both kids to bed at 8:00. My son reads and the second his head hits the pillow he is out for the night. The kid sleeps like the dead. Not so for his sister I hear her upstairs running around. She is up in her bedroom looking at books, playing with her stuffed animals, having a grand old time. Then she’ll come down to tell me that she has to go to the bathroom. I send her back upstairs. She sleeps in her bed from around 10:00 until about 4:00am then she comes and climbs into bed with me & Dave. Needless to say in the morning she is exhausted and cranky. We have a constant morning battles about getting up and ready for school. No she doesn’t nap after school. No she doesn’t drink caffeine. No she doesn’t eat sugary foods before bed. I am planning to walk her around the neighborhood a few times and see if that helps tire her out. If that doesn’t work I am looking into herbal sleep remedies.


Since my beloved little say of sunshine is up until 10:00 I don’t settle down to my mommy free time until then. When I veg out in front of the Roku watching classical educational TV shows like American Pickers, Rupaul’s Drag Race, Dexter, or Weeds. What? Can’t a girl enjoy some good old fashioned family entertainment without being judged? I have changed my routine instead of stuffing my face I drink tea.

I also use this time to go online and check in on my Ebay which needs to be updated. I also write these blogs and check on my friends on Facebook. I am enjoying my free time and the next thing I know it’s 12:00. Then I go up to get ready for bed but I can’t sleep without reading so I read until my eyes cross. Don’t you hate that when you want to keep reading but you eyes want to go to sleep? Once all is done the clock has been at 1:00am. Which is bad because momma needs a lot of sleep. I sleep from 1:00 to 4:00 when Alice comes into the bed. Then I am kept awake on and off until my alarm goes off at 7:30.

Did you want to hear about the food? Well yesterday I made a special trip to Westport MA to see and old friend. A 96 year-old friend to be exact. I also had to get the dog dropped off at the groomers by 8:30am so I had to use a cattle-prod to get Alice up and dressed early. After all of my people and pet where dropped off I went to the store and bought a Naked juice. Super juice all fruits and veg. I drank that on the way then bought one at 2:00pm and drank it on the way home. Okay it was gross so I didn’t drink it. I stopped at a farm stand and ate a small apple. Hence my issue continues that I am not getting enough calories. I didn’t eat until dinner 5:30 and I had a wonderful meal of Sliced fresh tomatoes, steamed farm fresh green beans, and an amazing squash that I forget the name of. It looks like a deep orange pumpkin with red spots. So sweet and yummy! I loved my dinner and was satisfied. But still no poop. Also I haven't lost anymore weight in 3 days. But I do have my period.

Since you are my dearest and closest friends I also want to tell you a secret. My legs at times in the last year at certain times feel tingly. When I run or walk fast they feel like they are filled with fluttering buttery flies or carbonated bubbles. Since I have eating this way they have been feeling almost numb. I am freaked out, but it doesn’t happen all of the time. But when it does I am terrified. Any armature medical advisors out there? Any ideas?

So on to day 8!

Day 7

Day 7 and I feel a little tired, but I am drinking my juice. My favorites are apple & pear and Cucumber, celery and apple. Every book or website I visit says never to mix fruit and vegetable together when fasting, yet all of the recipes I can find include both. These two recipes are mild. The cucumber is very refreshing.


Today I dressed in my work clothes and started to attack my large to do list. The inside of my house is all undone. I have subfloor down my hall and into my playroom and bathroom, and half of my living room. I love demolition that is the best part! The installing of floor isn’t bad it’s just complicated. I found a lot of rot on the bathroom floor next to the tub. Of course I did. Anyone who has kids does because the outside rim of the tub makes the best place toys. May daughter cannot take a bath without having a large elaborate tea party. She can’t have a large tea party without spilling at least one cup, tea pot, or bucket of water over the edge of the tub.

The good news is that my friend Tom Brady Jr., no not Gisele’s husband, I am sure that he has servants that change his toilet paper rolls. I am talking about Pru’s husband, the always charming and fun to hang out with Tom Brady of Tom Brady Carpentry in Franklin. The Brady’s son goes to school with my son and they are a great family and Tom is an excellent carpenter. He helps me when I get stuck on home projects. He has taught me to remove wallpaper properly, remove linoleum glue, plaster over holes, caulk corners, and a lot of other tricks of the trade that have saved me a lot of time and money. I had him come over to look at the bathroom and this time I have decided to just have him lay down ceramic tiles, and teach me how to do it as he goes. He is excellent and very reasonably priced. I told my husband that he can give me the floor as a birthday present. I never thought that I would get to the point in my life where a tile floor would be romantic. Believe me having a beautiful floor means more to me that a house full of red roses.

Food wise I had my juice in the morning and afternoon and steamed veggies for dinner and I was great! I drink herbal tea in the evening. I still can’t believe that this is me. I also can’t believe how easy this is. I am waiting to be starving and feel sad and deprived like I have felt on every diet I ever did. Don’t know why that’s not happening? I just pray that it continues.

Day 6

Day 6 was a breeze. First I am going to over share so please continue to the next paragraph if you don’t want to hear about my lady issues. Yesterday I was a cranky witch and almost called the authorities to come rescue my children and find them loving homes. I even snapped at my sweet husband. Then this morning all is revealed I got my period. I should have known, but due to the fast I had no cramps at all. Usually when my period is coming I get cramps, nausea, and I eat my weight in junk food. You can’t deny those results. I think this clean eating and drinking is good.


I bought these amazing organic Columbia Gorge juice drinks. They have nothing but fruit and vegetables. Also at 3.99 a bottle for 2 servings it cost about the same as juicing drinks myself. I needed one day off from juicing. Juicing is a lot of labor. Especially with my juicer I have to take the whole machine apart and clean each piece every use. I am dreaming of a Vitamix. Maybe Santa will buy me one.

So I took my two drinks and drove to Brigham and Women’s hospital to meet with my bariatric Doctor who I haven’t seen in about 3 years. Have you driven to the Longwood hospital district lately? I drove from Franklin to Longwood Ave in about 45 minutes. Then I drove 20 minutes to drive two tenths of a mile to Francis St. and another 5 to inch by the closed parking garages. You know I hate to be late so I had a cushion of 30 minutes that was shaved down to 5. I pulled into the last garage to find that that garage is only for Valet parking. Valet? Like as in “Careful boys I just had the Porsche waxed.” I was so late I handed the guy the keys to my filthy mommy wagon and ran into the hospital. I jogged in to the lobby almost knocking down a sea of people with canes, and in wheelchairs waiting for departure.

I find the office and get to the desk at 11:35. Then I sit for over an hour. I was prepared. First I went into the bathroom and did my morning makeup and fixed my hair (Alice has been having a hard time getting to school no time for both of us to get ready). Then once I was looking like a member of the nonzombie race anymore I went to the waiting room and commenced with my newest addiction. Angry Birds, I hate trends, but my kids begged me to download this stupid game on my ipod and I love it. In case you don’t know the point of the game is to use a sling shot to shoot your birds into structures hiding and killing little pig faces. This game is ridiculous sometimes the little pigs have helmets on, or there are TNT boxes you can explode. Addicting as crack if you don’t play please don’t start. Unless you have an hour or so to be brain dead. I was so obsessed with smashing the little critters that the hour went by in a flash.

I was in and out of the doctor’s exam room in 10 minutes. She took all of the saline out of the lap band and wants me to come back in 2 weeks. The bad news is that she told me that the damage that the vomiting caused to my esophagus might take a few months to heal. I am going to take it easy for a long time. There are no T-bone steaks in my future.

I get home and am thrilled to finally eat my cauliflower soup. I heat it up and take a spoon full of what tastes like spicy raw garlic. I love garlic. I have never in my life even thought that any dish could have too much garlic. Then I recalled that this was Whole Foods garlic. I guess the garlic I buy at the regular supermarket is old and mild? This garlic burned my mouth. I added water to the soup, then chicken broth. Still GARLIC! I went to the freezer desperately looking for frozen cauliflower. Nope. Then I had a great idea I’d make tomato and cauliflower soup. I had canned all of those tomatoes last week. I tossed in a jar of crushed tomatoes and mixed it all up. The soup had this beautiful pink color. I pictured creamy tomato bisque with garlic. I put the soup in a mug and took a spoonful of what tasted exactly like vomit.

I MADE VOMIT SOUP! I was so excited to eat hot food. I cleaned up the debacle then ran off to get the kids, then took Alice to the dentist, then back to school for Dylan’s forgotten homework, then finally back home at 6:00 to make their dinner. For me I baked a small acorn and butternut squash. This is my plan. Juice for breakfast and lunch steamed or baked vegetables for dinner. I must tell you that I was pretty hungry as my dinner wasn’t ready until 6:30.

I ate half of each squash with just a hint of salt and pepper. They were amazing, sweet, and full of flavor. Has my palate changed? I’m not sure why this meal was so delicious and satisfying; maybe because I was hungry, or maybe because they were fresh organic locally grown products? Usually I will eat dinner and in half an hour be grazing in the kitchen then after the kids would go to bed I would eat all night long. Being satisfied after eating is new for me. Then at night I drank Sleepy Time tea.

If all of this wasn’t happening to me I wouldn’t believe it was possible.

Day 5 no fun

Day 5 is not fun!


I am refusing to give up this fight. I bumped into my nutritionally savvy friend at Whole Foods who suggested that I eat steamed veggies to get fiber. Also I think that I am not eating enough calories. The funny thing is that I am not hungry at all. I took her advice and steamed up some carrots and cauliflower.

Such a great idea I can eat carrots sticks if they are steamed. I had some gross green juice for breakfast, Then around 11:50 I had perfect yummy steamed carrots. Sadly the carrots got stuck and I thought it was up and made cauliflower soup with pureed cauliflower, garlic, pepper, water, and a hint of almond milk. Before I could eat the soup I made the mistake of eating mini cherry tomatoes, three I think. Three tomatoes the size of marbles and my evil lap band has been clogged up ever since. I believe the little skin somehow turned into an impenetrable barrier that would make the beavers proud. That means that even water gets coughed up.

How do I fix this? That means I have to somehow burp up the blockage. I can feel it stuck about 3 fingers below my bra. So I have been fasting, fasting since around 5:00pm, now it is 11:09pm and I have managed to get some of the blockage up with hot tea. The good news is that I am going to the doctor tomorrow. I am going to get this ridiculous band removed ASAP! I had a note from a reader who told me that my band must be wrong and her experiences have been quite different. I will talk to my doctor.

Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow and be excited to juice again. I think I hate juice. But I’ll keep trying.

Day 4: Look Great Feel Like Crap!

Day 4:

I woke up tired, fatigued, and still feeling emotionally scarred by the night before. Felt like hiding from the juicer and staying in my bed all day. Unfortunately Alice and the dog had the same idea. After being jumped on and licked all over my face by Alice, she stole my covers leaving me to be attacked by Anabel and her nuclear dog breath. I quickly escaped to the bathroom. Once there I stepped on the scale and was suddenly happy but still dreading juice.

I made juice and threw Dylan in the car and went to see my mom on Cape Cod. I was feeling tired and sluggish all day. I am guessing that I haven’t been drinking enough vitamins or calories. My juicer can’t process kale or spinach. I am not sure but I think that an entire bunch of kale should yield more than a half a teaspoon of juice. I am only making 3 drinks a day. I am not sure how many I am supposed to drink. I am checking out websites tonight to get more details.

Dylan and I enjoyed our time with my mom. She is sick and acting her age (79) which is scary. She has always bopped around with the energy of a teenager. Seeing her tired and hobbling in pain from her recent falls was hard. But I made it through the whole trip without visiting the cookie jar, the cracker cupboard, or any of the many candy bowls.

I have to admit one blip. On the drive home I was so tired that my eyes were blurring and I even once or twice drifted onto the rumble strip. Dylan needed dinner too so I stopped at a restaurant and drank a cup of coffee. I don’t consider it a failure. I have to put the safety of my child first.

So I am sitting here at 11:45pm and I am feeling okay. I am going to check out some sights for an actual juice fast site to get the rules and some new recipes. I am sure that I will barf if I have to drink anymore juice…but I won’t fail…because I know that most of you are sure that I will. I am juicing until I turn 42. Yes I will have juice while my family eats cake or can I put a candle in a glass of juice? Anyway I am determined to start off my 42nd year off with a healthy clean slate. Tomorrow is half way there.