I pulled out the cakes and they were solid in the middle. I put the cakes in the fridge to cool. I put the frosting in a container, a very small container. If I put this frosting in the middle of the layers I wouldn’t have any left for the top and sides. I cleaned the kitchen aid bowl for the 3rd time and whipped together a vanilla hint of mocha frosting. I changed this recipe to make it more like modern butter cream. I threw it in a container and cleaned all of the baking bowls, utensils, measuring cups, and yes, the kitchen aid bowl for the 4th time in less than 1 hour. Time check 2:45. The cute cable guy is done and leaves.
I clean the counters, sweep and run out of the door to go pick out the kids. I grab the kids at school and run the kids to the eye doctor. I don’t recall the Iron chefs having to leave the kitchen in middle of the battle to attend to their children! I lead the kids into the car like a militant mother duck. We see the doctor and then it’s time for bowling. I have no time for bowling league today! The kids love bowling. Gilda Lily the perfect mother she can’t damage her children by denying their activity because I have no time management skills. Thankfully the party planner sees the big picture and gets us back on track.
“Momma! We can’t go bowling today! We have to make Daddy’s party!” I love that girl. I play it cool.
“Well, we can still have daddy’s birthday after bowling.” I hold my breath. The boy speaks up.
“Come on mom. I don’t want to go today. Can’t we go home?” The girl chirps in.
“Yeah go home!” I am so excited. I play it cool.
“If you guys are sure, we can go home and start daddy’s party”
I drive home as fast as I can without frightening the kids. I run into the house turn on the oven put a pot of water on to boil and start cleaning off the kitchen table. 4:30 I have about 90 minutes to have everything ready.
The kids who are so excited to help plan a party come in drop their coats, backpacks, and shoes in the middle of the kitchen floor and go turn on the TV. I try not to scream. I go into the TV room and lead the kids back to pick up their crap. Then I peel potatoes, and take the cakes out of the pans. The cakes are a bit crumbly and dense. I think I should have gone with cocoa powder instead of melted chocolate (even though the recipe said you could use either). I take the ugliest cake and put it on the bottom and get out the chocolate mocha cement and use it to repair the broken pieces that fell off during un-panning. Thankfully the frosting also fills in the pot holes nicely and leaves me with a nice flat top. I shove the cake in the fridge and throw the pork loin in the oven and put in the potatoes.
The kids whine for snacks and drinks. They fight, need help with the computer, and fill in the blank with 100 needs that must be met immediately. I start to feel like Cinderella as I was the broccoli and start to crumb coat the cake with the vanilla frosting . The frosting is so thick and the cake is so delicate and keeps falling apart. I get back into my Iron Chef mode. I shove the frosting in the microwave and it thins into a thick glaze. I pour the glaze over the cake and shove the cake in the fridge and the frosting in the freezer. I start to try and clean the table again. The table is clean. I grab a table cloth. I drain the potatoes and cut up the broccoli and put it on the stove. I grab the presents and start wrapping. I made the mash the potatoes. I help Alice find her lost card that she made Dave a few days before. I let the dog out. Get the mail. Clean up off the counters. I let the dog in. Dave calls to say he’s 10 minutes away.
Gilda Lily goes to the dark side and starts sounding like the little red hen. “I bought the food, I cleaned the house, I made the cake, I made the dinner, I wrapped the presents, why can’t you kids at least pick up your granola bar wrappers and put the milk away!” Wasn’t this Alice’s idea? How has she helped? By sneaking into the fridge and sticking her fingers in the frosting?
I need to finish frosting the cake. FROSTING! The frosting is in the freezer. It’s solid like a block of cheese. I throw the frosting in the kitchen aid again! I whipped it and thinned it into usable frosting. I frost the cake until the frosting runs out. I have no more butter in the house and the cake looks sad.
The cake actually looked OK and tasted amazing.